boy/boi

A short dissertation

By Master Buz Lawson

Within the leather and BDSM cultures, the word in question describes an adult person who identifies him/herself as being submissive.  While the traditional spelling, (b•o•y) continues to describe a male person, a new spelling, (b•o•i) has become accepted as describing a female person.

The following should help in defining the difference between the various types of submissives, (boy/bois) as well as describing the related motivations.

Leather boy/boi:   A person who finds comfort, contentment and fulfillment in serving others, in particular, one household.

The true leather boy/boi is a unique and oft misunderstood creature. (s)he seems to live in the idea that there is nothing more important than being of service.  This need to serve tugs at the very heart and soul of a true leather boy/boi, and becomes his/her path to contentment.

Knowing within him/herself that serving and pleasing another brings him/her closer to self-fulfillment, the true leather boy/boi seeks not to merely be used and abused physically or to be financially supported in the manner of a kept boy/boi, but to truly be of value and service to his/her chosen Master/Mistress/Daddy and, to that end, the tribe to which (S)He belongs.

Sincere and proper service in addition to respect for and adherence to accepted leather protocols make the true leather boy/boi a person to be admired and respected.  The dedication of the true leather boy/boi in such areas as deportment, attitude, respect, integrity, dignity and humility is nothing short of phenomenal.  A boy/boi who can display such dedication is a treasure, indeed, and is deserving of high honor and praise, though in receiving it will deny the same to be true.  The only reward the true leather boy/boi seeks is the satisfaction that comes with knowing that the service (s)he provides is of value. 

Once collared, and therefore owned or managed, a true leather boy/boi’s satisfaction comes from knowing that Sir/Mistress is comfortable and pleased as a matter of having been correctly and attentively represented and/or served.  Knowing that (s)he, being owned/managed property, is the representation of his/her Owner/Manager and therefore also that Owner/Manager’s household, the true leather boy/boi maintains an attitude and deportment which is reflective of that responsibility.

Prior to earning and being awarded a collar, the true leather boy/boi presents him/herself as an example of his/her own dedication to service.  Whether it be in small groups or at community events, a true leather boy/boi who is not collared makes him/herself useful to those who have need of being served.  This does not include responding to rudely barked orders from insolent strangers or inappropriate demands for carnal service.  The true leather boy/boi who is without a collar makes him/herself available to such persons as are deserving for the purpose of being of light service; attending to short errands, assisting when and where it is necessary and being generally willing to be of service, upon respectful request.  A true leather boy/boi maintains a healthy, yet not haughty, sense of dignity and self-respect.

Scene boy/boi:  A person who delights in providing BDSM, sexual or other service temporarily, for the purpose of exploring or fulfilling D/s sexual fantasies.

Mostly found/seen in BDSM or leather venues, the scene boy/boi is also widely known as a ‘toy-boy/boi,’ and may or may not wear leather.  The scene boy/boi may or may not have any knowledge of leather culture but will be willing, (hopefully with some serious negotiation) to participate as a submissive in a sexual BDSM or leather scene.

While not being overtly concerned with adherence to or respect for accepted leather protocols, the scene boy/boi may have a limited and selective knowledge of and a seemingly sufficient willingness to mimic these protocols for the purpose of making themselves available for scene play. 

Not generally prone to involvement in long-term relationships, the scene boy/boi will remain in a scene for it’s negotiated term or until the fascination with the related fantasy wanes and another becomes more appealing, whichever comes first.  Commitment is not his/her fortè and shouldn’t be expected to be.  The scene boy/boi is there for the scene, the whole scene and nothing but the scene.

While many scene boy/bois fantasize about the wearing of a collar, the weight of the collar and the related responsibility wears too heavily should the scene outlast the fascination, at which time the scene boy/boi will remove the collar and wander off in search of the next adventure.

Outside of a scene, the scene boy/boi is not likely to feel any pressing need or desire to be of service, except as it relates to the possibility of becoming involved in a new scene.  A scene boy/boi’s reward for service is gratification, and without the promise of that gratification, (s)he is not likely to feel the need to be of service.

The scene boy delights in being seen as a sexual object, as it increases the number of scenes (s)he is likely to become involved in.

Kept boy/boi:  A person whose willingness to become and remain involved in a D/s relationship is dependent on the same being in exchange for domestic support and/or financial remuneration.

Akin to the salaried domestic, the kept boy/boi will only become involved in a D/s relationship with persons (s)he believes to be of means sufficient to meet his/her financial needs.  In these relationships, the kept boy/boi will negotiate the types of service (s)he is willing to provide and what the expected exchange rate should be.

The kept boy/boi may or may not work in another capacity, and his/her needs may, (relative to his/her own income or lack thereof) include full or partial domestic support.

The related relationships in which a kept boy/boi may become involved may or may not be exclusive, dependent upon that boy/boi’s needs, real or perceived.  The number of persons this boy/boi serves will always be in direct proportion to the amount of remuneration that is desired and is to be made available.

Viewing submission and service as a means to a financial end, the kept boy/boi can almost always be counted upon to have a backup plan; a former supporter or an invitation to accept another arrangement.  For the kept boy/boi, service and submission are an occupation, and one for which (s)he expects to be compensated.

The kept boy/boi is almost always willing to provide sexual service, and may or may not also be willing to provide limited domestic services as well, dependent on the benefit offered.

The kept boy/boi will often accept a collar and wear it in the presence of the employer, yet rarely in any situation wherein that employer is not present except to impress or as an indication of his/her occupational pursuit. 

A kept boy/boi may refer to his/her employer as ‘Daddy’ or ‘Mistress’ to maintain the D/s appearance.

While the kept boy/boi may insist that he/she is truly a boy/boi, he/she is, in all actuality, an employee.

Faux boy/boi: A person who prefers to be called, ‘boy/boi,’ and isn’t.

The faux boy/boi is likely to be well-coiffed, manicured and wearing the latest in dance fashion.  Fascinated by BDSM fantasies, the faux boy/boi is likely to be wearing a collar he/she purchased him/herself, thinking it to be clever jewelry. (s)he is also likely to be wearing designer footwear and boldly displaying a Gucci or Louis Vuitton wallet or purse.  When seen out in leather or BDSM venues, (s)he has likely only just come from a local hot-spot where his/her contemporaries think him/her stylishly rebellious.

Nothing could be further from the mind of the faux boy/boi than the concept of service.  The faux boy/boi becomes vocally incensed at the idea of being told what to do, and even bristles at being politely asked to perform a task.

Having no knowledge, or the slightest desire to acquire any, of leather or BDSM protocols, the faux boy/boi can be expected to behave inappropriately.

The faux boy/boi is likely to replace the traditional address ‘Sir’ with, “You big, bad Daddy-Man …”

The faux boy/boi may claim an interest in ‘some light bondage,’ yet will be the first to whine if the terrycloth bathrobe tie is ‘too binding.’  (s)he may also, for the sake of impressing, claim to enjoy ‘some discipline,’ and shriek like a terrified child at the sight of a paddle, flog or whip.

Having seen, (and squirmed through) one or two SM adult videos, the faux boy/boi may be bold enough to claim experience in such things, when in reality (s)he is inviting you home for a polite ‘mattress tea party.’  Point the pinkie, say ‘please’ and ‘thank-you,’ and whatever you do, don’t get any of that nasty lube on the sheets.  After attempting to convince you (s)he is a disciple of DeSade, “I’m not into any heavy stuff,” will roll off of his/her tongue as easily as, “one lump or two?”

Much like the scene boy/boi, a faux boy/boi is trolling for a scene.  In contrast, the faux boy/boi seeks a scene with someone who looks fascinatingly dangerous, but what he/she really wants is for someone who looks fascinatingly dangerous to carefully, gently and ever-so-politely fuck him/her until he/she purrs, and to do it hygienically.  Don’t even think about sweating on this one.  The faux boy/boi finds bodily secretions disgusting.  In the private depths of his/her mind, (s)he is being viciously ravaged by one of the stars of that video but without the muss, the fuss, the gymnastics or the slightest discomfort.  The hair took forever to get ‘just right.’  It has to look the same for the ‘after-chat.’

The faux boy/boi is generally not a boy/boi at all, but a starched, pressed, perfumed and clueless vanilla Über-bottom with ambition.